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Well since I post some things from my journal I think I’ll post these from facebook. really want to delete that thing. one was posted one night and the other like a day later or something.
One day I went for a walk, I ended up walking threw A Nature preserve that I had tripped at and enjoyed hanging out at. I started remembering some of the memories I had in the area and it just felt like the world wanted me to go back that if I was to leave the path and walk into the woods when I come out I’d be back in time in that same world with me and her tripping happy as can be that night; bu…t, I just looked at the spider webs near each other almost sitting paralleled and kept on walking in tears. I wanted to walk threw them and start meditating and just do what ever I can just to try, to try and be happy in that world just a few months in the past being able to change so much. Me and my stupid self should have sat my dumb ass down and started to grovel, Theres just so much… Miss you my love ;) I’ll see you again someday.
It’s just alittle scary being able to reach your bodies limit right there on the verge of throwing up and all heaving and throwing up alittle in your mouth and just thinking to yourself how much more you can push how much more you can do how much you just want to keep going and going and when you go to throw up buy a tea and chug it. It’s awesome getting to the point where your “fresh” and can’t d…o that single first pullup in another set staying upside down for a good 10-15 seconds struggling to finish pulling over the bar. Just destroying yourself for that little bit of satisfaction and for me enjoyment out of beating myself, because I’m better then then the me that is saying stop because the only reason someone should need a chouch is to tell them to chill take a break.
So if you asking me I want you to know. when my time comes forget the wrong that I’v done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed; Don’t resent me and when your feeling empty keep e in your memory and leave out all the rest.
I can’t be who you are. Just don’t resent me for a want to be missed.
Forgetting all the hurt inside you’v learnd to hide so well…
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One day…
One day I’ll be out, one day I’ll be away; How I’v always wanted. Because now I’v had enough, Everyone has always held me back and now that I’m more alone then ever It’s time to know who I am again. It’s time to stop looking in the mirror and seeing thos other people come out of your face, time to remove thos loved personalities that I have adapted. So when you see my picture in some magazine or when you see me flash some awesome route in some movie just make sure you catch yourself when you think about me and thos other people sitting around you. You all can keep pushing me away and keep on beeing jealous ass holes because you realize that all you want to do know is sit stair and watch some guy of the same sex climb a route so hard and make it look like he was floating. My body is better, it has been built and rebuilt over and over again since I can remember; It’s time to move on and finish, this world is mine to take as much anyone elses. And the next time I think I’m some insignificant person I’ll just turn and ask my self then who is that?
Haters don’t be haten
I know you don’t care but you know when ever I’m trying to roll over one of the reasons I can’t sleep is because when I drag my hand across my body I always think of it cutting myself. and you know how your happy and can make yourself “happy?” I can’t sing because I just cry, like I have said when I reach myself I just break. I’m still asleep, you never cared to ask.
